The self-indulgence of an Artist / Deniz Eroglu

Issue 5

Like bowling.

Inger Wold Lund


12 other stories
Written down between 2009 and 2012
Re-edited for texted


In a movie. On my computer. In my bed. In my apartment. Berlin. Months ago.

The movie was coming to a close to an end. The main protagonist was speaking.

- We just come from a very bad place.

I rewinded.

- We are not bad people. We just come from a very bad place.



In a gallery. On the river. Berlin. Months ago.

After the reading we had drinks.
I held on to my empty glass in a clumsy way. The sweat from my hand gathered as pearls of humidity on the inside of the glass. Like on the windows of cars in which teenagers have just had sex, in American movies. I hoped no one would see it. There was no place to leave the glass.

We left.



With N. Walking on the streets. Berlin. Some weeks ago.

Or maybe N. and I were in my kitchen. Berlin. Some weeks ago.

- I just want him to like me more than he likes anyone else.
- Do you like him more than you like anyone else?
- No.



On the telephone with my mother. In my apartment. Berlin. Yesterday.

- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have you tried to call me earlier today?
- No. This is the first time.
- Oh. You see, I left my phone at home, and I just walked in the door as you called, and I thought you might have tried to call me many times earlier today.
- Maybe someone else called you many times.
- Maybe.



Leaving a city. On a train. Or on a bus. I cannot remember. Sweden. Months ago.

- Can I kiss you?

I said nothing.

- You have to tell me when I can. Will you promise me that?

I said nothing.



Together with R. The day after my last hospitalization. One pill of morphine from the hospital in a small see-through ziplock plastic bag in my pocket. In my one room apartment. Outside Stockholm. Years ago.

- I mean, we were lying so close to each other the whole night. Our faces nearly touched. I did not sleep at all. If I had moved even an inch we would have kissed.
- Mhm.
- I mean, would it have been ok to kiss her?
- I think so.



In R.s house. On the coast. Norway. Last November.

- There is this girl I really like. I mean, I do not know her that well, but I really like her. Is it OK if I send her a letter? Do you think so? Would you have liked to get a letter? Is it too much?
- I think it is OK.



With B. In a backyard. Berlin. A month ago.

- I would really like to have a pet.
- Mhm.
- But I keep moving.
- Yeah.
- Two days ago I googled if there are any pets that live for only a year.
- You would miss it when its gone.
- Yes.
- Rats last only for a year, I think.
- Mhm.
- And hamsters don't last very long either.
- You keep on saying last instead of live.



With A. On the street. Berlin. Some days ago.

- You know you have to remember this.
- Yes.
- It is not enough that you remember it today. You have to remember it a week from now. A month from now. Some other time.
- I know.
- It is hard.
- I know it is hard. Every day it is hard.

I stopped walking.



In the kitchen. In E.'s apartment. Bergen. Last fall.

I had terrible news. I also had bad news. I told the terrible news first. Then the bad news. Then I started crying.

Then E. told me a joke that was so horrible that I can not write it down. I just cannot. It was too horrible.

I was so shocked that I laughed.



I was not there. Later on I read about the conversation in a book. I was mentioned in a footnote. It said P. was supposed to call me, but misdialed and called R. instead.

P. on the telephone with R. In a park. In a Swedish city. Years ago.

- Hey.
- Hey.
- Oh. I did not mean to call you.
- That is ok.
- I mean, I do not really know you.
- Mhm.
- I am sorry.
- It is ok.
- It is just that I took a Facebook test, and I wanted to tell someone the results.
- You can tell me.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- Well. I tested what dog I was.
- Mhm.
- I was a Cocker Spaniel.


In a bar. Berlin. Some weeks ago.

This was the second time I. told me this story. It was slightly different from the first time.

- He suggested that we should have a common interest.
- Mhm.
- Like bowling.

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